The International Olympic Committee has decided this week that the 2022 Olympics in Beijing will feature a new event, the gunthlon. The event would feature athletes running through a snow-covered course to occasionally stop and blast away targets with machine guns and hand grenades
“People enjoy the biathlon because it involves guns,” says committee President Thomas Bach. “We figured, why not just take away the part that sucks - cross-country skiing - and just replace it with more guns.”
The new “U.S. Gunthalon Association” begun recruiting athletes this past weekend at the Monster Energy NASCAR Cup Series. Prospective members were required to fill out a questionnaire:
“I love the idea,” said NASCAR fanatic Earl Baker, formerly known in Jackson, Mississippi as “Gator”. “I ain’t one for snow but I guess it ain’t nothing a couple [beers] couldn’t solve. When asked if he’d appreciate the opportunity to travel to Beijing he added, “I ain’t been to Japan before but sure I’d like to go represent America over there.”
According to international bookmakers, The United States have already opened up as heavy favorites to take all three medals in 2022.