1. More people are up to date with Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie’s marriage than they are with the status of American troops in the Middle East.
2. Hey Douche-McGooch... If you like lifting things so much, why not lift some lumber instead and put it down in the shape of a two-bedroom house. Unless you're being paid to come here and wear a beanie, go get a f*cking job.
3. While it is a locker room, you’d think these older gentleman would make more of an effort to cover their dongs before they discuss their grandkids with each other. There’s something about sixty years on this planet that makes you want to show everyone how close your testicles can hang from the floor.
4. The gym would be substantially cooler if instead of metal weights, people lifted barbell-attachable boulders.
5. Contrary to what I had previously thought - My understanding of the U.S political system is just as defective as everyone else’s in this country. After glancing at a headline regarding the electoral college and its final vote on Monday to seal Donald Trump’s spot in the White House, (A process which occurs after every presidential election) I immediately took to Twitter writing “What kind of governmental collusion is this? Is this American?” Needless to say I quickly deleted that tweet after fact-checking myself and realizing the simple answer is “Yes it is.”
6. For the price of the digital recreation of Grand Moff Tarkin in ‘Star Wars: Rogue One’, hundreds of thousands of starving children in Africa could have been saved.
7. After pondering the idea of whether or not they would ever recreate the old Star Wars movies, I realized how idiotic that question is. Would they ever recreate The New Testament?
8. Why am I working out in a Kenneth Cole brand v-neck sweater right now?