My biggest issue with dating in 2016 is that it shouldn't be called dating; it should just be called texting.
Besides gangbangers, members of the Westboro Baptist Church and Islamic extremists - there's no group of humans I despise more than those who can't go 45 seconds without glancing down at their cellphone... The kind of people who continually glance down at their phones as if they're expecting an urgent message from the President, only to click their home button and realize that 15 seconds is a lot longer than they had realized.
I'm sorry but you're not that important. Put down your phone for a minute and let your eyes adjust to life beyond the screen.
And if you're that couple who can't stand to be away from each other long enough that you need to be typing messages to one another every moment there isn't someone's attention directed at you - then just carry walkie-talkies and come up with a language of code-words that will save you the struggles of a phone-call.
Listen, I'm not saying that I'm any less guilty. Maybe I was at some point one of these social pariahs. However, if that's true than I'm genuinely upset no one punched the cellphone out of my hand and stomped it to pieces because holy sh*t it's obnoxious.
Or if you're one of those people who have perfected the "eye-contact text" - The answer to your question is no, I don't despise you any less. Just because you're staring me in the eyes while your fingers run rampant on your iPhone doesn't prove a point, nor is it any less arrogant. It's comical that these "eye-contact texters" think they have it all figured out - they think that because they're wide-eyed gawking at you and not blinking that it's more acceptable to text at the dinner table. No it isn't, so why don't you spit that overpriced veggie burger out of your mouth and get me a refund on this meal.
Just think of what a productive society we would live in, if people took all the time that they spent learning to text without looking at their phones and spent it elsewhere. Hell, I'm convinced all the roadwork being done in Gloucester would be finished in just a few weeks.
Oh really? You're reading? Sorry, I didn't realize violently scrolling through social media counted as reading. In that case you must be quite the scholar!
If these two were to conduct a conversation like this in-person I think a doctor would most likely diagnose them as severely socially-challenged and in immediate need of therapy.
Well sweetheart learn to pray, because if this is your biggest complaint - you've lived a very fortunate life.